Dear readers,

I still haven’t decided on what to call you. As you can probably tell from the title, I will be talking about me. Who am I? What have I gone through? What is so interesting about me? That’s all I will be talking about in this entry.

For starters I am a 16 year old adolescent male. I currently reside in the Philippines but I’m planning on going to the UK for university. It’s quite ambitious but I’m hoping for the best! I plan on taking Drama or Performing arts for uni. I have big dreams to one day perform on Broadway or West End, or maybe both!

Theater to me is magical. It is an outlet for me to disappear and run away from the real world. Theater somehow transports you into another world, one where anything can happen and everything ends somewhat happily (except maybe for the musical “Next to normal” cause that shit is just so fucking sad). I just love the rush of performance. Being on stage; becoming someone else; the difficulty of singing and dancing. Theater is something I want to be able to do for the rest of my life.

A few months back I was diagnosed with Manic Depression or Bipolar disorder. This was a bit shocking to me, but after a while it began to actually make sense to me. Basically bipolar disorder means that I can only experience extreme highs and extreme lows. So some days I’m bouncing ball of joy that will not shut up and constantly talk about the same things over and over. Or I could just be completely quiet and sad that I basically can’t function. But yeah that’s only one side to who I am.

I almost forgot to mention that I’m gay. Quite stereotypical isn’t it? A guy who loves theater so fucking much and is gay. Well I’m telling you now that theater wasn’t the reason for me becoming gay. I just was. Growing up I always had a weird thing for guys. I remember watching High School Musical, whenever Zac Efron was on I would just go blank and just stare at him, almost admiring him. This was when I was 7 or 8 years old. So yeah even as a child I always was gay. I never made a decision to be gay. I just am.

But yeah it took me about a year to accept the fact that I am gay. I first came out to my best friend and of course she was very accepting. And then after that it just became easier and easier to come out to friends and to people at my school. A month after, I had decided to come out to my family. So I first came out to my mom who was very supportive (I am very close to my mom); then to my sisters who were also supportive; then my dad. My dad on the other hand took the news the other way. He started screaming at me, throwing books and other stuff at me saying that I was no longer his son. So until now he hates me. We hardly ever talk but when we do it’s always very trivial, and he always looks at me with disdain.

Anyway, in more recent times my mom and I decided, since I wanted to go to the UK for university, that I should transfer to an international school that offered A levels. Coming from a traditional school in the Philippines to an international school was interesting to say the least. I had quite the culture shock. Everyone seemed to be experience in the intimacy department. A lot of my classmates had their first kiss, had made out with someone, and some had already experienced sex, but then again most of my classmates were a year or two older than I was. But yeah, I realized that I wasn’t that experienced. I’ve had my first kiss with both a girl and a guy. But I’ve never made out with anyone. So it was a bit daunting how open everyone seemed to be about this.

So yeah. That’s about it. There’s nothing much else about me. My actual diary writing of my weekly events will start next week! So I hope this gets you interested into my blog and I hope you stick around.

-MAR ❤

 

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